Two You’s

The cards have been laid on the table 
There’s nothing left for me to do
I’ve put myself in a corner
Am I to stick it out for you?

This feeling I’ve had before
A pain too hard to endure
Four years have passed and the memory remains
The bitter remnants of a friendship strained

Six months of deafening silence
Interrupted with a glistening hope

I haven’t forgotten you at all, if that’s what you think, and many things around me still remind me of you and the things we used to do before.

But see, memories are just that
–something stored

You said I was your childhood
From 3rd grade and beyond
I thought we’d be forever
But I guess that you’ve moved on

I thought you were my issue
The seed and root of it all
A trauma from which I’ve not recovered
You left without a call

Much has passed
Much has transpired
My issue goes beyond you
I’ve only recently realized

From our reunion expectation sprung
The hope preceded disappointment
The wounds could not be mended
Another sad song was sung

A different scenario
New characters at play
A familiar expectation
What else am I to say?

I’ve always been transparent
Barely visible, clear as glass
You can see right through me
Maybe more than anyone has

Your understanding is uncertain
You barely speak your mind
My trust I’ve given wholly
Should I have held out more time?

The cards have been laid on the table 
There’s nothing left for me to do
I’ve put myself in a corner
Am I to stick it out for you?

I always feel so directionless and just afloat whenever I have free time. I don’t know what to do and it makes me feel unproductive and useless. This is precisely the reason why I usually find myself making lists– no matter how insignificant or minuscule they may appear to other people.

So, for today, I have so far done the following:

  • finished all the episodes of Nashville Season 2 because I could not sleep so I stayed up until 6am doing just that
  • slept for a good 5 hours and missed my chance to go swimming in Berkeley because I apparently told my mom that I wouldn’t go with her anymore while half asleep at 6:30am
  • ate one whole cob of corn and a bunch of chocolates :o
  • attempted to draw something but felt so discouraged that I stopped
  • watched 2 TED talks on 1) a transgender model and how important it was for her to come out, 2) a photographer emphasizing the vast population of people who neither identify themselves as 100% gay or 100% straight therefore laying out a very wide “grey” area in between those binaries and how we should treat each other as equal human beings and not bias our rights based on just one facet of our character, and then signed up to the website
  • going through the French lessons that I’ve finished on DuoLingo and writing down notes based on those lessons so I can easily reference them

I started with this whole French thing a few months back and I haven’t been on track so I’m really trying to get back on it even if it’s gonna take a while. I don’t want to reset it ‘cause I will most likely just fall off it again.

Now, I want to make sure that I do these things today too:

  • workout because I feel like a slug
  • clean at least one portion of my room
  • make art/play music
  • read something for fun like a comic
  • listen to a new album
  • read/watch something related to architecture/tourism
I don’t have a rendering software that I can use installed on my MacBook yet because I’ve been putting it aside for so long so I had to render my plate using SketchUp and Photoshop but I can’t put it off for any longer since I’ll (hopefully) be taking my thesis already this year.
One of my major priorities this summer is to be prepared for just that– my last plate in the UP College of Architecture. I’ll need to prep my laptop or our home computers or find some other medium on which I can work on my thesis. Also, I should really read up on the things I feel like I didn’t learn in my four years in Arki.
Other than that, I intent to make thesis year easier for my batchmates by serving as their batch representative. I can’t wait to get started on organizing that already. Well, technically, I’ve already been working on a few things but not officially. Anyway, first meeting tomorrow!
And lastly, I will allow myself to be a bit selfish this summer. I have a bunch of personal goals that I want to achieve and 4 months to do it should be more than enough time if I’m focused.
Now, I just have this mini-thesis book keeping me from my plans so I’m gonna go ahead and get on with it!
P.S. Thank you, Alex Hogrefe, for being an inspiration in architectural presentation techniques. And Kor, for teaching me about the burn and dodge tool.

I don’t have a rendering software that I can use installed on my MacBook yet because I’ve been putting it aside for so long so I had to render my plate using SketchUp and Photoshop but I can’t put it off for any longer since I’ll (hopefully) be taking my thesis already this year.

One of my major priorities this summer is to be prepared for just that– my last plate in the UP College of Architecture. I’ll need to prep my laptop or our home computers or find some other medium on which I can work on my thesis. Also, I should really read up on the things I feel like I didn’t learn in my four years in Arki.

Other than that, I intent to make thesis year easier for my batchmates by serving as their batch representative. I can’t wait to get started on organizing that already. Well, technically, I’ve already been working on a few things but not officially. Anyway, first meeting tomorrow!

And lastly, I will allow myself to be a bit selfish this summer. I have a bunch of personal goals that I want to achieve and 4 months to do it should be more than enough time if I’m focused.

Now, I just have this mini-thesis book keeping me from my plans so I’m gonna go ahead and get on with it!

P.S. Thank you, Alex Hogrefe, for being an inspiration in architectural presentation techniques. And Kor, for teaching me about the burn and dodge tool.