Hello, dear friend.

I write to you tonight because of this turn of events that’s made me feel smaller than ever. Isn’t it weird how you can be the center of one person’s world and they not even a speck in yours? Unrequited kind of love or relationship or whatever it may be.

Isn’t it funny how very easily people are taken for granted? And how words can be so empty. But inherently true at the same time.

If everyone is truly extraordinary, is anyone really?

I think I’ve made myself a tad bit too accessible. I think I need someone (other than myself) to care enough to tell me to keep time for myself and my personal goals. This is getting exhausting.

Just another dumping of thoughts.

Nina

We love that little struggle, don’t we? That added drama in our lives? Somehow, admittedly, it makes life a bit more colorful and interesting. Although it is a pain in the ass to deal with, at least I have something to deal with.
I haven’t written anything in the longest time, not even a letter to myself. A lot has just been going on and I’ve been putting everything else aside. Lots of good things. Lots of confusing things as well. Just like this is going to be. I’ll bet in a couple of months’ time I won’t understand this particular post looking back. I might not remember who I was talking about or what situation I was in. Nevertheless, here’s a quick glimpse.
Whenever I want to reach out, I catch myself. Why is it in the first place that I stopped? Not until I’m ready again. I can’t. I owe that to myself and everyone else you might involve. Yes, you. It’s always you involving other people in your mess and I don’t want to be a part of it. At least not now. It’s always you finding other people to keep yourself from dealing with you. You’ll have to deal with it eventually but you’re too much of a coward to go after what you really want. Oh, but in the first place, you haven’t even given much thought to that. Well, anyway. I’m going to take my time here. You won’t mind, I’m sure.
You’re a pleasant chat. In person you are kind of annoying, always blabbering about things that you’re doing. Oh if I had recorded our conversation and made you listen to it, I wish you’d realize that it was you talking the whole time. And then you say you had fun catching up. Well, it was fine, I guess. I think we’ll make good friends eventually. Just stop telling me to ask. I’ll ask if I have something that sparks my interest or curiosity. I would like to be your friend, yeah.
I’m so grateful to have you as a constant. But really, what are we doing? Where is this going? We know it isn’t going to work. Are we just prolonging the actual separation? Please don’t make a move yet. I’m not ready to watch that unfold.
Are you really distancing yourself from me? Why? I don’t understand. You won’t explain. Don’t leave me in that gray area of uncertainty.
As much as I love you both, I wish we were more entangled in each others’ lives. What’s going on with you?

We love that little struggle, don’t we? That added drama in our lives? Somehow, admittedly, it makes life a bit more colorful and interesting. Although it is a pain in the ass to deal with, at least I have something to deal with.

I haven’t written anything in the longest time, not even a letter to myself. A lot has just been going on and I’ve been putting everything else aside. Lots of good things. Lots of confusing things as well. Just like this is going to be. I’ll bet in a couple of months’ time I won’t understand this particular post looking back. I might not remember who I was talking about or what situation I was in. Nevertheless, here’s a quick glimpse.

  1. Whenever I want to reach out, I catch myself. Why is it in the first place that I stopped? Not until I’m ready again. I can’t. I owe that to myself and everyone else you might involve. Yes, you. It’s always you involving other people in your mess and I don’t want to be a part of it. At least not now. It’s always you finding other people to keep yourself from dealing with you. You’ll have to deal with it eventually but you’re too much of a coward to go after what you really want. Oh, but in the first place, you haven’t even given much thought to that. Well, anyway. I’m going to take my time here. You won’t mind, I’m sure.
  2. You’re a pleasant chat. In person you are kind of annoying, always blabbering about things that you’re doing. Oh if I had recorded our conversation and made you listen to it, I wish you’d realize that it was you talking the whole time. And then you say you had fun catching up. Well, it was fine, I guess. I think we’ll make good friends eventually. Just stop telling me to ask. I’ll ask if I have something that sparks my interest or curiosity. I would like to be your friend, yeah.
  3. I’m so grateful to have you as a constant. But really, what are we doing? Where is this going? We know it isn’t going to work. Are we just prolonging the actual separation? Please don’t make a move yet. I’m not ready to watch that unfold.
  4. Are you really distancing yourself from me? Why? I don’t understand. You won’t explain. Don’t leave me in that gray area of uncertainty.
  5. As much as I love you both, I wish we were more entangled in each others’ lives. What’s going on with you?